i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
