Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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