I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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