Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
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