Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
