Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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