After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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