I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
