Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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