My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
