I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
She announced her abortion via fbk
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
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