Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
