there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize