Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
