those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
