I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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