I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
