Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
she smelled like a LAN party
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
