Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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