I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
