another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
