She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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