She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I need to calm my uterus...
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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