I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
