It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
