I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
