So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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