just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
