do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Randomize