Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
We're like a lot better than the average bears
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
