he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
