Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
