If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
