I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
