I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Randomize
