Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
