Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
