SEEEEXXX PLEASE
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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