I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
