you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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