We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
they call him Oral-B. enough said
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
