She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Randomize
