wanna go halves on a baby?
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
