Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
