i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
