It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I just gift wrapped bread.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
