the condom got lost in my hair
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize