Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Randomize
