You work out of a Hotel?
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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