My balls are so social today.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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