YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize