Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
The power of my boobs compel you
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
