That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
