i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
