he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
