yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
