I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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