But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
