i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
