its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
