My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
