dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
