He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
