it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
