You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Randomize
