you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
