tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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