Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
