Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
