I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Terrible idea I love it
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
