cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
