my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
