I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
