Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
