thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
