i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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