A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
