Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I didn't notice because vodka
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
