Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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