I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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