And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Randomize
