That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
