Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Someone signed my nipple.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
