there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
