tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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