So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
