my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
All the doctor said was why
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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