It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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