Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize