I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I think my moral compass just broke
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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