I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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