My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
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