Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
