I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Pants are for mortals
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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