I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
