just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
