my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
