so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
