He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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