i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Randomize
